My Mom

(a picture of my mom, Karen McGee Atwood)

Today is my mom's birthday. She died on September 18th of last year. Bismarck State College has a publication called Figments of Imagination that any one who's taking classes at BSC can submit either literary works or artwork to. I submitted 2 poems that I wrote, "All These I Miss and More" and "My Mother Was My Hero". I was surprised when I got a call on Wednesday from BSC informing me that one of my poems got in.

(another picture of my mom, Karen McGee Atwood)

My Mother Was My Hero

She wasn't very special

In the eyes of the rest of the world

But she was my hero

The one I always trusted.(a picture of my mom and dad and 2 of my sisters, Sara and Rachel)

I'd wake up each day

To the sound of her voice

Telling me to get up

And ready to go.

I wake up each day now

To the sound of her alarm;

The beeping is all I hear.

My mother was my hero

But now her voice is gone.(a picture of me, my mom, my sister, Sara, and my brother, Clarence)

I'd walk in the door

And see her on the couch

She'd be sitting or lying,

Resting in her special spot.

Now, the house is empty

Her space on the couch is clear

She's nowhere in sight.

Her presence is no longer there.

My mother was my hero

But now she is gone.(a picture of Sara, my sister, Becky, my dad, Rachel, my mom, and me)

Calling the house

Nearly every time

She'd answer right away

She was always there.

Calling the house now,

Her answer never comes

She is no longer there.

Another answers every time.

My mother was my hero

But now she can't be heard.(a picture of Clarence, me, my mom, Becky, Rachel, and Sara)

When a ride was needed

She'd be on her way

She would always make it

No matter what was going on.

Now, when I need a ride

She's not going to come

Someone else must come instead

She will never come again.

My mother was my hero

But now her presence is gone.(a picture of my dad, my mom, and my sister, Rachel)

She took me to deliver papers

Whenever I requested

She'd take me everywhere

That I needed to go.

She'll never again take me

Wherever I need to go

I have to take the bus

Or get a ride from another.

My mother was my hero

But now she is here no more.(a picture of my mom and me)

I would talk to her

About every little thing

Every single day

When I had something to say.

No longer can I talk to her

She's nowhere to be found

Now, I talk to Rachel

Since Mom is not around.

My mother was my hero

But now she's far away.(a picture of my mom and my sister, Sara)

For people who knew her,

She was always there

If ever help was needed

She would immediately come

But now she is not coming

To those who are in need

She cannot come directly

Someone else must come instead

My mother was my hero

But now she is not nearby.She may have been my hero

But now that she is dead

Her influence on her children

Will always be felt.

My mother is my hero

She will be forevermore.In the future, when I have children

They will know of her:

Her smiling face

Her caring eyes

Her loving words

My children will know my hero

Her memory will live on.(a picture of my sister, Sara, my mom, my sister, Rachel's cat, Gizmo, and our dog, Xavier)

My sisters, Sara and Rachel, and I used to talk to Mom about everything. Whenever something happened, the first thing that came to mind was "I have to tell Mom about this." But now, I can't. (a picture of Mom and Xavier)

Every Sunday at Church, I would sit by my mom in Sacrament meeting and then in Relief Society. I would always lean on her. She always complained about me elbowing her in the side and that it hurt, but I couldn't help but do it anyway.

Ever since the first time I went with the Sister Missionaries, I have been going with them at least once a week. Since the last time I wrote, Sister Nicholls was transferred and Sister Mustoe got a new companion, Sister Kozlowski. Often I've ended up going with them from 1 to 2 pm until I have to be at work around 4 to 5 pm, when they drop me off. I have also ended up going with them on several Thursdays, when I never go to work. I also sometimes end up going tracting with them.

Before the transfer, Sister Nicholls was feeling really sick. But I ended up going out with Sister Mustoe as her companion for the afternoon. Sister Nicholls was kind of babysat by Sister Lanouette (a member of the ward) while we were out teaching. I ended up going to a dinner appointment with Sister Mustoe, becuase of Sister Nicholls being so sick. It was really interesting. It gave me a good idea about what it would be like on my mission when being fed by members. The couple that fed us are inactives that moved here from somewhere else.

We also began a Young Single Adult Family Home Evening that we have just about every week in March. We decided to adopt Preach My Gospel as our FHE Lesson Manual. I gave the lesson on March 16th from the book, and i talked about the Restoration.

On March 18th, I went to BSC early. Sister Pitcher (one of my visiting teachers) wanted to set up a time when we could meet, and the only good time was before my Spanish class, which her husband suggested. He suggested that we meet in his office at BSC at around 8:30 am. That way we would be able to visit that month. Sister Pitcher and I met up at 8:30 in his office. It was really interesting. At around 9:50, I left the office, so I'd be able to get to my class, that Brother Pitcher teaches.

On March 27th, I went with the Sister missionaries. They had an appointment with someone named Douglas Tyler. Upon meeting me, he asked if I had a younger sister, to which I replied that I did. He said that he thinks he knows her. Then after we were seated, he said "Your sister's name is Sara, right?" To which, I again answered "yes". He said that he knew her from school. Upon later inquiry from Sara, he was apparently in a class with her and she had very briefly answered questions he had about the Church and The Book of Mormon when she was in the 9th grade. Apparently, he had been given 2 Books of Mormon from members of the church and had thrown both of them away, but they apparently made a big enough impact on him that when finding a Book of Mormon in a thrift store, he bought it, read it, and gained a testimony of it and decided he wanted to be baptized. He got baptized on April 12th, and both Sara and I attended. I felt that I really needed to go because I had ended up accompanying the Sister missionaries to teach him several times.

On Thursday, April 3rd, my dad and his wife were out of town for the week (since Saturday night), so since it was Sara and I, I decided that I wanted to have the Sister missionaries over for dinner. Sister Kozlowski can't eat gluten or dairy, so it kind of complicated what I could or couldn't make. I decided to make chicken with tater tots, tossed salad (even had a salad dressing she could have), olives, tomatoes and cucumbers (for the salad), and whole kernel corn. We also had Tropical Punch Kool-Aid. The dinner was a success they really enjoyed it. Afterwards, they were going to be able to go to Institute because Doug would be going, so they gave me a ride there.

On Thursday, April 10th, a girl in my Spanish class, Ruth, offered me a ride home after class. She asked me if Spanish was my last class for the day, and I told that it was the only class I was taking because I wanted to better prepare for a mission. Then we discussed exactly waht i meant by a mission. After that, she asked me what my church believes. I told her briefly about Joseph Smith wanting to know what xchurch to join and praying about it, the First Vision, the gold plates translated into the Book of Mormon. I also told her that we believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God along with the Holy Bible and that Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost are 3 seperate beings. Then, she asked me what I believed the Atonement to be and I told her that it was Jesus suffering in the Garden, dying on the cross, and rising again from the dead, which initially I was able to state thanks to all the times I went out teaching with the Sister missionaries. I went out with the Sister missionaries at around 2 pm. Then, around 2:30-ish, we were invited to eat at Space Aliens, since I was with them I got to come, and I met Elder and Sister Cook, a missionary couple serving in the state. They had invited all the missionaries in the area (2 Elders in Bismarck, 2 Elders in Mandan, and 2 Sisters in Bismarck) and I got to come along and get fed because I was with the Sisters for the afternoon. It was really interesting; I had never been to Space Aliens before.

On Thursday, April 24th, I was out with the Sister missionaries, and they were being fed again that day, and I got to go with them. Elder and Sister Johnson (the CES missionaries) fed them.et Elder and Sister Johnson at Los Amigos, a Mexican Restaurant. It was really interesting, because that day in class, Brother Pitcher was saying that the class would go to Los Amigos and order in Spanish for extra credit, but I wasn't going to be able to go, because the time when most of the class could go is this Thursday at 7 pm, when I have Institute. So, i was going to miss out, but I ended up going there the same day it was brought up in class. It was also interesting that Elder and Sister Johnson were the ones feeding them, since the Sisters wouldn't be going to Institute that night, and Elder and Sister Johnson were going to be teaching it, so the Sisters ended up not taking me after all, since Elder and Sister Johnson would be going anyway.

"A Day in the Life of a Missionary"

On Friday, January 4th was the 1st time I went out with the missionaries. I woke up at around 10:30 am to my dad telling me that I was wanted on the phone. Rachel was talking on the phone and then handed it over to me and told me that it was the Sister missionaries. They wanted me to accompany them for a few appointments and would be there at around 11 am. Sister Nicholls and Sister Bowles arrived and then we left. First, we went to the home of someone they had been teaching, Mike, who I work with at Arby's. It was a very interesting experience. We talked for a while, then we watched a DVD called The Restoration with him and then they set up another appointment with him for Sunday evening. Then, they asked him which member that had accompanied them before that he'd like to have accompany them the next time. At first, he said that he didn't really care who came, but then, a few seconds later he whispered "Elizabeth" and motioned with his hand a come motion, which Sister Nicholls saw and asked, "You want Elizabeth to come?" and he responded by saying, "Yeah, she's cool." It was very interesting.

Then, the following Sunday, January 6th, they came to get me at around 6:30 pm. After I got in their car, they joked that I was out with the missionaries twice in one week, might as well give me a name tag right now. We first went to see the Stetsons (Sister Stetson has recently been baptized) we watched the Living Scriptures animated movie "Samuel the Lamanite". After that, we went to another house where they gave a Bible to a Hispanic lady. Then we went to Mike's home and talked to him for a while. After that they took me home.

This last Sunday, January 13th, Sister Nicholls invited me to sit next to her in Relief Society. She introduced me to her new companion, Sister Mustoe (actually she's her New OLD companion, they had already been companions before). Then, we talked and I told them my schedule for this week and the pitiful number of days I was scheduled to work (only Tuesday and Wednesday) and then I told them that I didn't have class on Fridays. Hearing that, Sister Nicholls suggested "a day in the life of a missionary" and I agreed that that would be a good idea.

So, that's what I did today. They picked me up at 10:30 am and first, they had to stop off at their apartment for some reason, then we went to see about visiting some people. Then, we stopped at a less active member's home, Sadie Kraft, and talked to her for a while. After that, they took me tracting with them. The first apartment in this one building that we went to, a woman answered and let us in to talk with them. There were two girls that live in this apartment. Their names are Tia and Brandy. We talked to them for a while, gave them each a copy of the Book of Mormon and left after a bit. A couple doors down, we got invited in by another woman named Brandy. We talked to her for a while and they gave her a pamphlet with their names and phone number on the back. After a bit more tracting, we left for lunch. All the missionaries were invited to the North American Steak Buffet by Brother and Sister Riskedahl, including the CES missionaries, Elder and Sister Johnson. After that we stopped off back at their apartment so they could get more Books of Mormon. After that, we went to see more people and they ended giving 2 more Books of Mormon away. Then, we went back to their apartment for dinner. We had spaghetti with pasta sauce. I also had a hot chocolate. While there we took this picture. This is a picture of (from left to right) Sister Nicholls, me, and Sister Mustoe at their apartment before we ate dinner.

After dinner, we went out to visit more people, though a lot of people weren't home and then they brought me home. Overall, it was a very interesting and exciting day.

Christmas & Another Poem

My sister, Rachel came home for Christmas, this year. My dad, Becky, and Rachel arrived on the Saturday before Christmas and Becky and Dad left in the early afternoon of the next day. My dad preferred to spend Christmas down there with his new wife than with us. So, it was just Rachel, Sara, and me for Christmas. Someone in our ward wanted to make sure we had a good Christmas, so, they gave us $500 to use. We used most of it to go to the movies that we're in the theater that we wanted to see. We discovered about a dozen movies in all. Plus, the one who gave us the money brought a gift over of 6 free movie tickets to the Grand theater. We decided to save what money was left for any movies we wanted to see in the future.

We had also gotten some snacks and drinks for New Years Eve. We wanted to spend it with just the three of us. Especially because, New Years had always been a Mom thing. Every year we'd play games and eat snacks and drink pop with Mom. We also rented 4 movies and watched 2 of them on New Years Eve. The movies we watched were Stardust and Firehouse Dog both of these movies were really good. We also rented Hairspray, which is just plain weird, and Snow White: The Fairest of Them All, which was pretty strange but interesting.

Rachel left a week ago yesterday to go back to Utah since she had to be in Provo for a meeting on the next Monday and would be leaving for Jerusalem the next day.

Before Rachel left, we edited this poem I wrote weeks ago together. We plan on putting this one in the front of our mom's life history book. This is the poem I wrote:

My Mother Was My Hero

She wasn't very special
In the eyes of the rest of the world
But she was my hero
The one I always trusted.

I'd wake up each day
To the sound of her voice
Telling me to get up
And ready to go.
I wake up each day now
To the sound of her alarm;
The beeping is all I hear.
My mother was my hero
But now her voice is gone.

I'd walk in the door
And see her on the couch
She'd be sitting or lying,
Resting in her special spot.
Now, the house is empty
Her space on the couch is clear
She's nowhere in sight.
Her presence is no longer there.
My mother was my hero
But now she is gone.

Calling the house
Nearly every time
She'd answer right away
She was always there.
Calling the house now,
Her answer never comes
She is no longer there.
Another answers every time.
My mother was my hero
But now she can't be heard.

When a ride was needed
She'd be on her way
She would always make it
No matter what was going on.
Now, when I need a ride
She's not going to come
Someone else must come instead
She will never come again.
My mother was my hero
But now her presence is gone.

She took me to deliver papers
Whenever I requested
She'd take me everywhere
That I needed to go.
She'll never again take me
Wherever I need to go
I have to take the bus
Or get a ride from another.
My mother was my hero
But now she is here no more.

I would talk to her
About every little thing
Every single day
When I had something to say.
No longer can I talk to her
She's nowhere to be found
Now, I talk to Rachel
Since Mom is not around.
My mother was my hero
But now she's far away.

For people who knew her,
She was always there
If ever help was needed
She would immediately come
But now she is not coming
To those who are in need
She cannot come directly
Someone else must come instead
My mother was my hero
But now she is not nearby.

She may have been my hero
But now that she is dead
Her influence on her children
Will always be felt.
My mother is my hero
She will be forevermore.

In the future, when I have children
They will know of her:
Her smiling face
Her caring eyes
Her loving words
My children will know my hero
Her memory will live on.

Family & Poem

This is my family. It shows my dad in the very back. Then, from left to right, there's my mother, my sister, Becky (Rebecca) me, and my sister, Rachel, and then there's my sister, Sara in the front. To the side is my brother, Clarence who, in order for us to have a current picture with our whole family, I managed to add in. He wasn't there since he died 5 years ago on November 7th because of a fire in our house. My mother has recently joined him in death, she died about 2 months ago on September 18th because of cancer. I'm currently working on books on the life histories of my brother and my mother. Clarence's will be entitled "The Best Brother in the World", which was a statement Rachel used to describe him, and my mother's books will be called "A Hero in Disguise", which Rachel came up with as the perfect title for hers. I'm currently trying to collect as many memories of them as I can, but no one has given me anything yet.

I wrote a poem on Sunday, and Monday night, Rachel helped me to edit a few awkward lines. This is the poem I wrote:

All These I Miss and More

The greeting of a son
Not seen in five years time
An embrace of love
Together once again.
My mother and my brother,
I miss more than I can say
Together they now dwell
They seem so far away.
As a daughter and a sister
I will see them again.

Now, the house seems empty
Her presence is no longer there.
Now, who will I talk to?
To whom will I tell all?
My mother is gone,
She's nowhere to be seen
Her spot on the couch is empty
Her vital companionship is gone.

The sound of her voice
Telling me to get up each day;
The smile on her face
When I would do something right;
Talking to her anytime of day,
Telling her all that happened:
All these I miss and more
Since she went away.

For five long years,
His presence has not been here.
His strange behavior is nowhere in sight.
His weirdness is absent from our house,
Except for his voice singing his song,
The song he wrote about being weird
Tah, and the home videos and pictures
Remind us of who he was.

The sight of his strange concoctions;
The sound of his simple laugh;
The smile everyone seemed to love
And always needed to smile back;
His simple silence when around others;
His sense of humor when around us:
All these I miss and more
Since he went away.

The mother is gone,
The brother is nowhere in sight.
They seem to be so far away.
We miss them every day.
They now dwell together,
Mom left to join him there.
We'll see them agan one day
A family forever we will be.

Wierd Encounters

On Thursdays, I don't go to work. I go to a church class called Institute every week at 7 pm. Since, I had to ride the bus to school and would not be getting a ride to the church for Institute, I had decided that I would walk to the church from the school. Early that week, we discovered that Gizmo, my older sister, Rachel's cat, was almost out of food and we were going to need to get more, somehow. I decided that the best thing to do was for me to walk over to PetSmart from the school before Institute to pick up a bag of food for him. I ended up having to use my own money to pay for it because there wasn't enough of the money Dad gave to me left for it. First, I used the remainder of the cash then I paid with my checking account to minimize the amount of money I'd use from my account. Yesterday, I talked it over with Mom and Dad, and they said that I could just deduct the amount taken from my account from the money I owe them, since they lent $125 to me for my tuition. Dad also told me that instead of getting money from them when I needed it, for lunch and bus passes, I could just continue to deduct it from that amount as well. Since, it would be a lot easier to deal with.
So, I purchased Gizmo's food and I was planning on walking over to the church from there, but I saw Sister Pedersen (a member of my ward, in my church) and some of her children in line a couple people ahead of me. After they were done, they saw me and went out, and were waiting for me to exit the store. Sister Pedersen offered me a ride to the church. So, I got a ride to the church instead of walking, as I had initially planned. I had left the school immediately after my last class ended at 1:50 pm, because I wasn't sure how long it would take me to get to PetSmart, so, I got to the church at around 2:30, and lucky for me that there the missionaries were there, so, the church was open and I got sit inside to work on homework or read. While I was sitting there, Brother Billings (another member of the ward) came in and started to talk to me, asked me why I was there. I told him for Institute. He asked what time it started, and I answered at 7 pm (I'm pretty sure that that may have been the reason his son, Taylor, who is a year younger than me, actually showed up at Institute, because I'm pretty sure I saw Brother Billings make a phone call after I told him that and I can only remember Taylor showing up one time before that.). We started talking about other things, and he asked me if I was a Heroes fan, and I answered that I liked the show fine, but that I had missed several episodes, but that Sara was obsessed with it and about her watching the same episode at least 2 days in a row, and coming in on her watching it day after day after day. He said that he was what could be probably called a "closet Heroes fan" and before he left he told me to tell Sara that he had Heroes on DVD (Sara has been wanting Heroes on DVD for her birthday on October 2nd, since she found out it was coming out this month.). It was very strange. I've also decided that I really would like to walk to the Church from school from now on.
On Friday, I took the bus to the Gateway Mall (the mall on the north side of town) in Bismarck, to wait for the bus I would take to the Kirkwood Mall (the mall on the south side of town) in Bismarck, because the Arby's I work at is located within it. While I was waiting for the bus, this man of African descent, came to the bus stop to wait as well. I was reading The New Era, which is published by my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, while waiting for the bus and this man asked me what I was reading, I told him. He wanted me to tell him about it, my church. He also said that he liked to hear about other churches. So, I started to tell him about it. Then, when I had just started talking, I saw Gennifer Glum (another member of my ward) walking as well; it was the last place I expected to see someone from my church. So, I just continued telling him a bit about my church.
I've discovered that taking the bus is the perfect way to get more exercise and that walking to the church for Institute is another. I plan on continuing to take the bus and walk to the Church for Institute even after it's not necessary anymore.

Terrible News and Panicking

Last Thursday (I think), my mom was put into the hospital. No one knew what was wrong with her. That is, until two days ago. On Sunday, September 2nd, Dad took Sara (my younger sister by 2 years) and I to see her at Medcenter One here in Bismarck after we got through with church. It was the first time Sara or I had seen her since the day she was put into the hospital. She told us that they had made a decision on what is apparently wrong with her. She told us that she has "cancer of the cervix" and that she was going to have to go to Minneapolis, Minnesota for surgery. It was some of the worst news I had heard in my life. Just as bad as when Mom told me that Clarence was dead when we were sitting in a waiting room at Medcenter One where Sara was at on the morning of November 7th, 2002. They had Mom go to Minneapolis yesterday, Dad going with her, leaving Sara and I at home on our own for the first time in our lives. Dad told us that they would be doing the surgery in Minneapolis and after Mom had recovered from that she would be brought back to Bismarck for Chemotherapy. I still can't believe this can possibly be happening; it still doesn't feel quite real.
This morning both Sara and I had to get up on our own for the first time in our lives and unfortunately we slept in until 7:00 a.m. We had to hurry to get up and deliver newspapers and all the while I was praying silently that I would be able to get finished in time to be able to take my shower and make it to the bus stop on N 3rd Street and Boulevard Ave. which is about 7 blocks from our house in time to make it to my first class and thankfully, and surprisingly, though I had pretty much jogged and quickly walked the entire way, I actually finished around 7:40 a.m., my best record yet for delivering newspapers yet, pretty good when it usually takes me one and a half to two hours to do the same number. But, when I got home, I realized I was locked out, so eventually after panicking for a while, I managed to find a ladder, go to my open window, which unfortunately had a screen, which I hope can be fixed after I pulled about half of it out of its frame, just enough for me to get in. I was desperate, and it's not like anyone would be around to unlock the door anytime soon. So, I managed to take my shower and get ready in time to start my walk to the previously specified bus stop, but I'm not sure that Sara made it to school on time, she still wasn't home by the time I left, so I left a note for her to lock the door after her and to make sure to take her key.
I got to the bus stop with just about 20 minutes to spare but first I went over to the US Bank, which is right across a parking lot from the bus stop, since I had to get change for a $20 (Dad had given us 2-$20, 1-$5, and 3-$1), since I apparently needed $35 (in exact cash) for a 30-day bus pass, which I figured would be cheaper then spending $10 a week for the bus. When I got on the bus, I discovered that they had changed the price for 30-day passes in June, apparently it is only $30 now for College students instead of the full price for an adult at $35. So, we ended up having instead of just $13 for whatever else we might need, we have $18, which coinsidentally is about the same amount I have left in my checking account after paying for my tuition today, thanks to the $125 that Mom had to lend me, since I didn't have enough for tuition without help.